Four AM
by Mom-Riku's-On-The-Roof
Summary: He doesn't cry... Not ever, okay?
1. Chapter 1

**Four A.M**

**Author's Note:** Review if you can, hope you enjoy. When did 3:35am get here? My brain may or may not have overlooked mistakes, due to extreme sleepiness -.- x

**Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. Got it memorized?**

**Warnings: Language**

"Can I come to your house?"

"What… now?"

"Yeah now."

"It's like four a.m!"

"I hate my dad."

"… I… yeah, I hate your dad too."

"Please let me in your house. Please. I don't wanna go back."

Sora yawned into the phone, "Kairi says I shouldn't be left alone with you at bedtime, Riku… And my mom'd be mad if she knew I was on my phone right now,"

"Don't you care?" Riku bit back, "It's like no one actually cares. You know what? I don't think you care either. You care more about not breaking the rules. You're a massive square. Square's an understatement… You're just… a _cube_."

Sora groaned and threw himself at the carpet in an attempt to get out of bed, "I care!" he protested into his phone

"Good cos I'm outside your house,"

Within a few minutes, Sora had let Riku in and dragged him up to his room before he started ranting in the hallway and waking up his Mom.

"I hate him like so… _fucking_ much…" Riku spat, hiding his face from Sora behind a mane of silver hair and shoving himself in the corner, at the end of Sora's bed.

"Let me see your face," Sora clambered on and prodded his shoulder.

"You don't need to see my face," It was little above a mumble.

"I do,"

"Why?"

"I like your face? I don't wanna have a conversation with some hair," Sora lifted a silver lock.

There was no answer.

"… Are you sad?" Sora murmured, and moved closer.

Riku only shrugged.

"… Did he hit you ag-"

"Yes he fucking hit me," Riku's voice trembled slightly.

Sora handed him a box of tissues, "… Tissue." was all he said.

Riku grabbed some and shoved the rest away, pressing the ones he held against his eyes, his back to Sora.

Sora frowned gently and rubbed the other's boy's back in little circles, feeling very slight shudders under his hand; "It's okay…"

Riku rubbed his eyes roughly, "Get off. D'you think I'm _crying_?" He sniffled faintly, "You're a doofus,"

Sora played along, "Nah, you don't cry,"

Riku grabbed more tissue, pressing it against his eyes harder, "S'right."

"Yeah,"

"I never fucking cry,"

"Nope. But if you did, that'd be okay too," Sora watched Riku's jaw clench tighter, just visible been varying lengths of silver, watched a tear travel down to his jawbone and settle in a strand of hair.

Very carefully, he traced the finger-mark-type bruises on his best friend's arm, and then pulled him into a tight embrace at the very same moment Riku burst into tears.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Chapter two! I know it's kinda short, but it's gone 2 in the morning, and my brain is sleeping. xD Also, I wanted to end this chapter where it ended, because it seemed the right place to... There'll be more tomorrow! x**

**Warnings: None.**

Sora didn't say a word, just held him, tight. He'd never seen Riku cry like this; He didn't make a sound, it was the fact that he was shaking that told Sora he was sobbing. The younger boy forlornly played with some of the silver hair splayed against his collarbone, his other arm around Riku.

"You can stay the night," He whispered eventually, "I'm not gonna make you go back there," he wondered if Riku was shaking because he was crying, or shaking because he was scared.

Sora was the only one who knew about the way Riku was treated. He never opened up to anyone like he did to Sora, and Sora took every piece of Riku's past that he knew of and as promised kept it to himself. He was slowly but surely putting those pieces together, coming to understand the puzzle that was Riku's life, and he didn't like the picture that was forming.

Sora caught a flash of his best friend's eyes as he moved away, before they were hidden behind silver again; they had been blank and aquamarine.

"I have to go,"

"No," Sora grabbed his arm gently, "Stay,"

"I can't stay," Riku pulled free, standing up, "I have to get home,"

"But-"

"Sora."

Sora clenched his fists in desperation, "Please…"

"Sora, shut up!" Riku turned towards the door and didn't see Sora flinch, "Don't you understand? If Dad finds me gone in the morning it's going to be like a million times worse, okay? So just… shut up."

Sora stared at his back in disbelief, "Riku, I… I wanna help you! You come in here at four a.m and cry your eyes out-"

Riku interrupted in a hiss, remembering to keep quiet, "I did not cry! Quit exaggerating!"

Sora growled his own interruption, "You _were crying _and shaking, and you said you didn't wanna go back! So don't! You- You can't just keep doing this forever! You can't just randomly appear with all these feelings then go all odd and pretend like it didn't happen and just go again!"

At the end of his words, Sora sprang from the bed and shoved himself into the gap between Riku and his bedroom door, arms outspread, determined to stop him from leaving; "Let me help..."

Riku smiled.

It was a strange smile.

Sad and eerie.

Small and bittersweet.

Sora just knew that it didn't reach Riku's eyes, even though he couldn't see them.

What he failed to realise was that that sombre smile had disarmed him, taken all his determination away, allowing the older boy to lightly and simply push him aside and leave.

Tears of frustration stinging his eyes, Sora ran to his window, just able to make out the figure of Riku making his way home, hood up, head down, watching his feet as he walked, hands in his pockets.

_**XxXxXx**_

_Why can't you just get help?_

_Who you really are is so different from who you are in front of the others. _

_Why is it so hard to be who you are?_

_Why is it so hard to accept help from others?_

_What are you afraid of?_

_Falling apart?_

_Or being found?_

_It seems you can only be yourself when no one can see._

_When there is no light._

_In darkness._

__**XxXxXx**__

**Author's Note 2: That POV at the end? Sora's thoughts on Riku or Riku's thoughts on himself? Re-read that bit and let me know whose thoughts you heard... It's not that I'm unsure, I'm just interested to see xD I'm experimenting with your mind! *Vexen face* ... Yeah... I think I need to sleep... O.o**

**x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Different opinions on the POV... Very interesting! *Vexen face returns* xD**

**Thank you for your reviews! Have an Oreo. x**

**Warnings: None**

"I'm filming you,"

"Turn the camera off, Riku…" Sora sighed in exasperation.

"Make me."

"I don't have time… Just quit!"

Riku simply smirked and zoomed in on Sora's sulky face and wide blue eyes, before speaking to the camera; "Hey Kairi, this is Sora making you a really ridiculous present. You've only been gone like three days, and are coming back in two, but this wise guy's acting like you've gone to another world and not the other side of the Island-"

"_Riku_."

"So, he's making you this piece o' junk for when you get back…" Riku zoomed in on a mishmash of shells and other items all piled up on a piece of paper, which Sora valiantly tried to cover.

"Damn it, Riku!"

Riku smirked softly and switched off the camera, "What are you trying to do? You can't stick shells on there; they'll just fall off again,"

"How d'you know?" Sora grumbled; his attention was still on his loving task at hand.

"Because I'm less of a doofus than you,"

It was almost lunchtime. Sora squinted into the sunlight that spilled through his window and did his best not to get annoyed. Riku seemed ok… In fact, to anyone other than Sora, nothing would have seemed amiss; the older boy was acting like everything was normal, as if last night hadn't even happened.

However, he was starting to get increasingly irritating; Sora was trying to make a gift for Kairi, and Riku was pretty much pushing all the right buttons to put him off the whole idea.

"What are you gonna make out of all that anyway?"

Sora exhaled in a growl and glared up into Riku's fringe, "It's called being nice to your friends! Making a gift! When was the last time you gave me a gift, Riku? Never."

"Oh so you want gifts from me? Is my friendship not good enough for you? It's not like you ever make _me_ things…"

"Yes, I do." Sora juggled three shells, "I spent days making those wristlets that time. We all have one; Kairi wears hers. I wear mine. You _never_ wear yours."

"I can't wear jewellery,"

"Excuses don't do you no good…" Sora sighed in a sing-song tone.

"I'm serious."

Sora laughed, "Yeah…right… You just hated it."

"I don't hate it."

"Oh, so you _broke_ it…"

"It's broken. I didn't break it."

Sora rolled his eyes and continued to wrestle with shells and glue, "Course not… You can't wear jewellery, and the wristlet broke its own self to save you all the trouble…"

Riku didn't say anything.

Sora gave up with the glue and shells and began drawing half a Paopu fruit. He wasn't great at drawing them, and he wanted it to be perfect. He huffed and practised drawing them on a spare sheet of paper. He soon gave up on that too, scrunching up the paper and tossing it at Riku.

"I'm not your bin."

"You should get an earring again," Sora said after a while of silence.

"Yeah, if I want it ripped out of my ear again." Riku spat under his breath.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Just quit talking to me now and make your… whatever the hell it is." Riku sounded strange, making Sora look over at him; he was stretched out on his back on Sora's bed, head down and arms folded, hair hiding his face.

"Riku?"

"What?"

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing, I'm gonna take a nap. Just be quiet."

Sighing, Sora turned back to his work.

**XxXxXxXxX**

"Riku…"

Riku remained asleep. Sora had the urge to brush his hair from his face, but he didn't dare.

"Riku…" He poked him on the nose, "Are you awake yet? I can't see your eyes, so I dunno if they're open or…"

"What d'you want?" The older boy murmured, sitting up.

"My mom wants to know if you're staying for lunch,"

"I can't."

"Why?"

"D'you have to question _everything_? What time is it- Oh. I gotta go."

Sora looked down at his shoes.

Riku laughed, "Don't look like that."

Sora always felt odd when Riku laughed. He didn't laugh much. It made him happy when he did.

"I'll see you later, okay, Sora?"

"Yeah…"

Sora had been hoping Riku would stay. He was starting to wish that Riku stayed all the time. His mind clouded with images of Riku going back to what he called a 'home'. A home isn't a home if you're not safe.

Sighing, he put Kairi's present on top of his wardrobe to finish later, and collected the paper from his bed.

It had been unrolled again, and Riku had drawn in the other half of all the Paopu fruits.

**XxXxXxXxX**

It was raining. Sora finished Kairi's present by midnight, but he still wasn't happy with it. The rain built up into a crescendo, then petered out again, and Sora clambered stiffly up from the floor to close his window.

"Cramp…" He muttered to no one.

He stayed looking out of the window, sniffing the damp air. He wondered if Riku was okay.

In a way, he supposed he already knew the answer; no. What would he do if he was in Riku's situation? He couldn't even imagine, but he knew that he'd confide in Riku, like Riku had confided in him. He'd be scared to though. He wondered if Riku had been scared to tell him.

He had just come out with it so casually one night when he'd been sleeping over that Sora hadn't known what to say. It had started when he thought he heard Riku crying, and when he asked, Riku had told him that he didn't cry, and that his father would smack him one if he did.

Maybe Riku really had been crying.

_I wish I knew how to help you_.

_But how?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** It's gone 6 in the morning...

Thanks as always for your reviews xx

This chapter might be upsetting, so just to warn! x

**Warnings: Language, upsetting themes, violence**

"Dad, I'm hungry…"

No answer.

He knew not to ask again, unless he wanted the consequences, so he came away from the living room and walked back to the kitchen door, arms wrapped around his stomach. He wondered what he'd done this time for the kitchen to be locked. He'd gone without almost anything for lunch, without dinner, and now it looked like he was supposed to go without breakfast too.

Why?

He was sure he hadn't done anything this time.

Unless it was about his hair.

Again.

He walked back to the living room again.

"Dad…"

His father simply shifted in his chair slightly, and Riku flinched and backed away.

He went back to his room and tied back his hair in the hopes of making it less a topic of bother for his father, tucking it into the back of his shirt to hide it even more, before heading into the bathroom; at least he could get a drink of water.

He'd managed to hide a small amount of food, and he'd lasted that for as long as he could for incidents such as the kitchen being locked as punishment, but there wasn't any left now.

The water didn't help. He felt nauseous, and his stomach hurt worse. If he wanted food he was going to have to go out.

He made his way downstairs again and back to the living room doorway.

"Dad…"

Nothing.

"I'm going out."

Nothing.

Being careful not to sigh under his breath he stepped away from the living room and made to leave.

Except the front door was locked too.

This was new.

_You can't lock me in. You can't…_

_Please._

"Dad…" He heard his own voice wavering as he stood in the living room doorway again.

His father sounded like he answered from between clenched teeth when he spoke, "I am getting so sick of your whining. Now is a very bad time. If you know what's good for you, you'll get out of my sight."

"You can't lock me in the house!"

"No?" His father stood up then, and Riku started instantly backing away, noting the change in his father's eyes.

"Dad, don't… Don't!"

"What else can't I do?" He easily grabbed his son and shoved him against the wall, hauling him up by his collar, "What else can't I do? Maybe if you start listening to me, and stop being the pathetic little shit that you are, I'll start listening to you."

"Dad- I can't- I- I can't breathe!"

"Look at you... D'you think I ever wanted to be stuck with you? Your mother had the choice: her, or you... She'd be disappointed. She gave up her life for _you-_"

He wanted to scream then. He wanted to scream until everything shattered around him.

_No, that's not true. _

_She would have loved me._

_She did love me._

_She wouldn't be like this with me, not my Mom._

_I just know it._

_She wouldn't be disappointed. _

_Please, don't let her be disappointed._

_I'm sorry that I'm not a good person._

_Please._

_Don't hate me._

_Don't hurt me._

Bu he was unable to speak, let alone scream; his father's hand was pushing against his throat, and fighting was making it worse.

_Dad, please._

_Please don't._

**XxXxXxXx**

Sora's mum wanted to know why he was more interested in trying to juggle his toast than he was in eating it.

"I'm not really hungry…"

"What, my Sora, not hungry!" His mother only half feigned shock, "This is a first!"

Sora half smiled, "Yeah, Mom…"

She smiled softly, "Something on your mind?"

Sora looked down, "I'm just not hungry…"

"What's on your mind?" His mother carried on like he hadn't even replied.

"Mom! I said I'm okay!"

"You _said_ you're okay… doesn't mean that you _are_. I'm your Mom. I know when you're just saying things to stop me snooping," she smiled knowingly.

Sora felt like crying suddenly. He wished he could tell her everything about Riku. Tears sprang to his eyes, "I'm not allowed to say."

"Why not?" she reached out and took his hand, "What's going on?"

"I can't say!"

_Or maybe I should…?_

_Should I?_

_Riku made me promise not to._

"Sora, sweetie?"

He shook his head and left the table, jaw clenched tight to keep from crying as he made his way up to his room and buried himself under the covers. He didn't cry, because wasn't that why Riku had told him? Because he trusted him to be strong?

Where was Riku?

He tried calling again; all he got was no answer.

**XxXxXxXxX**

He hadn't excepted his father to let go this time. He curled up on the floor, choking, curling in on himself.

Everything hurt.

Old scars still burned, fresher cuts were bleeding again, and every bruise he had sang with pain. He was so broken that he wondered how he picked himself up everyday. Perhaps it was exactly that; it happened everyday. This was normal.

Except the door was still locked.

Or, maybe there was another reason to why he kept on going.

_Sora._

He'd never cried in front of Sora before. Not like that. He hadn't ever planned to either, but that night he just couldn't hold it in. He'd tried so hard, but all it had taken was Sora's delicate touch on his arm to unravel him.

Except, he hadn't unravelled.

Sora had held him together. Held him so tight, but so careful, and he'd felt safe, and… loved.

"Get up." His father loomed over him again, "You get yourself up and clean, keep your mouth shut, and I'll let you out."

Standing, the dizziness that overcame him almost brought him to the floor again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: I am pretty much asleep right now xD Thanks to everyone for your reviews! I promise to reply to them tomorrow when my brain's awake to answer your comments/questions properly xD x**

**Warnings: Language**

He watched a handful of sand slowly slip through his fingers, tiny specks of gold, falling and pooling into the rest. There were hardly any people around, not that there were all that many to begin with, and the sun had managed to melt the icy hand that had been seizing his heart ever since he'd left the house and ran straight down to the shore in an attempt to calm down, where he had spent a great deal of time just staring out at the endless blue expanse that shimmered before him.

Remembering, he tugged his hair loose again with a small but bitter defiance and let it fall into his face, strands fluttering into his eyes in the breeze.

"Riku…? Riku!"

Sora.

Before he even had a chance to turn towards the direction of his voice, the boy himself had collapsed gratefully down into the sand beside him, bright eyed and panting.

"I was-" Sora faltered then, a blush rising to his cheeks, and he looked away, rolling onto his stomach and busying himself by scooping up handfuls of sand.

Riku looked down at him, waiting for the rest just as seemingly calm as he had been minutes before, "You were what?"

"I… you know…" Sora muttered. He saw Riku smile ever so faintly, and all he could do was scowl and blush more in response, "I was worried…"

Riku was silent for a while, and then he reached out and ruffled the brown spikes, "Doofus…"

Sora's eyes widened, and he frowned, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why 'doofus'?"

Riku laughed quietly at his best friend's pouty expression, squinting momentarily at the horizon, "You'll always be a doofus,"

Sora stuck out his tongue.

"But seriously…" Riku began, quieter.

Sora stuck his tongue in again and turned onto his side, looking up at Riku's face questioningly.

Riku let his hair hide his face and continued, "You don't need to worry about me,"

"I… but… I do…"

"Well, don't. I…" The older boy broke off and sighed, before starting again, "I… just don't want you to, okay?"

"But…" Sora twisted his lip, frowning softly, "What if I can't help it? I've tried calling you all day…"

"I know… I was in the middle of something,"

"Oh." Sora looked away, "I didn't mean to bother you." He sounded disheartened.

Riku said nothing and lay back, watching the clouds, then smirked as Sora threw a wooden ice lolly stick at his stomach.

"Did you get ice cream without me!"

"Yeah."

Sora crawled over to him almost pouting, and then just sat there looking at him sulkily until he was shoved backwards by a laughing Riku.

"Quit that! You're such a baby sometimes! Yeah I had ice cream without you, and it was good too!"

Sora remained sitting in the sand when Riku stood, "I'd never get ice cream without you, Riku…"

"Give me a break, I'm hungry, okay?"

"You're _greedy_." Sora teased, throwing a ball back to a small group of kids, and missing Riku's change of expression at his comment.

"… Hey, Sora, those guys look about your mental age, go play catch with them!"

At that remark from Riku, Sora looked back at him and frowned, unable to see his face and having nothing to glare at but silver that caught the sunlight.

A small, sideways smile tugged at the corner of Riku's mouth, "C'mon, doofus, 'lemme buy you an ice cream,"

"Really? Oh, I can pay… I have munny,"

The older boy shook his head and slung an arm around Sora's shoulders, "Nah, c'mon,"

**XxXxXxXxX**

"Damn it, now there's some on your _nose_!"

"Where!"

Riku made an irritated gesture in front of his own nose, "_Everywhere..._Your whole nose area … Seriously…"

Sora wiped his nose innocently until it was ice cream free as Riku rolled his eyes.

"I swear you've got more of it on your face than you've actually eaten,"

"No!" Sora blushed.

Riku smiled, "It just proves my point, that's all,"

"What point!"

"The point that you're a doofus!"

They were making their way back along the sand to Sora's house for lunch, although Riku was the one leading the way, and Sora was tagging along behind him, lapping at an ice cream absently.

"My mom will be mad,"

"Why? I'm sure she'll still love you, Doofus…"

"Riku quit!"

Riku smirked as he was shoved and carried on walking.

"I mean she'll be mad 'cause I had ice cream before lunch,"

"Well she won't know if you don't tell her! Your mom never gets mad anyway…"

"She does!"

"That's not mad. That's fierce concern."

"Same thing!"

"No it isn't … Damn you're _stupid_," Riku scowled ahead.

Sora fell quiet; Riku hadn't sounded very nice.

With Riku, the mood could go from amiable to tense and dark in seconds, and Sora decided that being quiet would probably be best.

"Why aren't you talking now?" Riku stopped walking after a few minutes of unusual silence from Sora.

"Er- huh? I… don't have anything to say…" Sora genuinely was as innocent as he looked at that moment, eyes clear blue and wide, nibbling at the wafer of the ice cream cone, albeit awkwardly now due to Riku glaring at him, teal piercing into blue.

He finished his ice cream with Riku still glaring at him in disbelief, it looked like, a disbelief that Sora didn't understand, and so he just stood there, letting Riku look at him oddly, until finally the older boy snapped at him.

"Why are you so nice to me?"

Sora answered in a heartbeat, "'Cause you're my best friend… and I care,"

"I- I- I- It's just _you_! No one else cares! I'm always disappointing someone for some reason, someone's always angry with me, or _something_, but never you! Why don't you ever tell me when I piss you off or disappoint you like everyone else does! Why do you hide it from me! Because that's not fair! Don't pretend to like me if you hate me!"

The peace of the island seemed out of place now, the birdsong and the soft whisper of the waves, the balmy caress of the sun all too delicate a setting, the sparkling blues and warm colours, swaying trees and clear blue skies all too fragile to be reflected in eyes so full of rage.

Sora scrabbled to find his words, "I- Riku…" He didn't back away, or get upset or even scared, because he could see the other emotions locked within the anger in his best friend's eyes. There was a slightly wild, needy look; the look of someone who knew they were falling too far into the abyss of their own dark thoughts and wanted out, and a glassed over undertone, a barrier built up to hide the hurt.

When hurting, Sora knew that Riku was in a way animalistic; in the way that a wounded animal would snap and bite to protect it from further harm, Riku would snap and bite with his words.

This, was what he was doing now.

"Riku…" Sora murmured again.

"Quit saying my name! I'm right in front of you!"

"I-"

"You're never angry! Never! I've pissed you off, right? So get angry!"

Sora let Riku shove him.

"C'mon! Do something about it!" Riku shoved him again, harder.

Still, Sora did nothing.

"What is _wrong_ with you! _Do __something!_ _Do __it!_" Riku shoved him hard enough to almost send him backwards into the sand.

So Sora did something.

Riku flinched as soon as Sora's arms came up, and he would have been mortified about that fact if he had been in the right state of mind to realise that he had done so in front of Sora.

He needn't have flinched, because Sora was simply hugging him, tight enough to make his bruises hurt. He didn't push him away but instead just stood still, arms pinned to his sides by Sora's, his shoulders sagging as he sighed dejectedly, letting his head hang, eyes closing on, hair brushing Sora's.

"Thank you…" Sora whispered.

"What for?" he murmured in response.

"The ice cream,"

**XxXxXxXxX**

"_Aaa! __Nope, __no, __no! __That__'__s- __Nooo!_"

"Ha! Fail!"

"But that's not even fair, and that move shouldn't even be allowed 'cause you're bigger than me, and stronger, and a stupid head, so that's cheating- Ow! _Grrr_! Get _off_!"

"Ha! No, not until you admit you lost!"

"_Neverrr! _Oh no, wait, parley! Parl_eeey_!"

"_What?_"

"I demanded parley! That means we have to negotiate!"

"I know what it means, doofus! And your parley is invalid, 'cause this isn't a ship!"

"No, it still counts b- The _heck_ is that?" Sora looked down.

"… Oh, my phone! Stop, stop, my phone!"

Sora valiantly wrestled himself free from under Riku, and lay flat on his back, struggling to get his breath back through his laughter.

"Damn it, Sora! If this is broken, you're buying me a new phone!"

"_What?_" Sora burst out to the ceiling, "It's not my fault! You should've taken it outta your pocket!"

"How was I supposed to know that a thumb war was gonna evolve into an _actual_ war with you!"

Sora just laughed some more, grinning.

It was late into the evening, and they had managed to calm down and have fun, spending the whole time in Sora's house after lunch just playing silly games, and at one point travelling down the stairs in a large cardboard box which had then been dragged back up to Sora's room and drawn all over.

Riku exhaled in relief, "You're lucky; it's not damaged,"

"That means _you _have to buy _me_ a new phone then,"

"_How_?"

Sora just laughed happily, still lying on his bedroom floor, waving one hand in the air lazily as if at an invisible concert.

Riku joined him, lying next to him.

Sora crashed his hand into Riku's in an attack, "Yah!"

"Ow; my _wrist_!"

"Oh, I forgot, sorry!"

Riku just smiled and rolled his eyes, putting up his other hand instead, "Hey, Sora…?"

"Uh-huh?"

"… I'll have to go home soon…"

"No…"

Riku nibbled his bottom lip subconsciously while he contemplated just turning off his phone and staying right there.

Sora grabbed onto his arm that was still in the air and repeated almost childishly, "No…" whilst waving it about.

Riku just let him, relaxing his arm so it was completely floppy.

Sora laughed and continued to wave it about.

"Ow, that's hurting now, doofus…" Riku grabbed onto the younger boy's hand in an awkward wrestle, frowning up at the ceiling, but not due to Sora.

"My hand's demanding parley 'cause your hand is _breaking __my __fingers_!"

Riku laughed softly and let go, "Sora…?"

"Yuh-huh?"

"I'll stay,"

"_Really?__"_

"Yeah. If I'm allowed," Riku turned off his phone, Sora grinning at him gleefully, "By that I mean if your mom'll let me. I don't care what my dad thinks,"

Sora was up off the floor in record time, racing out of the door and accidentally skidding down the hallway in his socks, "Mooom!"

Remaining lying on the floor, Riku smiled. A genuine smile. It faded as he thought of his father's hold on him earlier, the way it had seemed like he wasn't going to let go in time for Riku to be able to take in any air.

To be here, happy, with Sora, and pretend everything was normal, to be able to sleep in a place he felt safe in even just for one night… it was worth the risk.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:**** The documents keep messing up every time I upload... That was the cause of several missing question marks in the last chapter (It wouldn't let me correct them) In other news, I've fiddled around with this chapter a lot and I'm still not happy with it... xD :/ **

**Warnings: None**

"Okay… how about… _this_ one?" Sora threw the t-shirt across the room to Riku.

Riku looked at it, "It's still no good! It's too small, you doofus!" he laughed.

"Well it's too big on me!"

"Doesn't mean it'll automatically fit _me_, does it?" Riku cocked an eyebrow.

Sora half sighed, half growled, and disappeared back into his wardrobe, "You know, in a minute my mom'll come and tell us to quit messing around _again_…"

"Find something with buttons! Doesn't matter if it's small, I just won't do it up,"

"You can't wear an _actual_ shirt to bed, Riku…"

"What does it matter?"

"_Because shirts are for the day_!" Sora's voice was an octave higher in disbelief, and muffled, due to the fact he was unnecessarily _inside _his wardrobe, "And anyway, the only one that _might_ fit has a tie attached, and that'll look silly," he threw another t-shirt.

Riku caught it and proceeded to try it on, "I'm only _sleeping_ in it, Sora! It's not going to matter- This is cutting off my armpits,"

Sora started laughing, tumbling out to see, which resulted in even harder laughter.

"I can't even get back out... Damn it…"

Unhelpfully, Sora remained on the floor, laughing.

Smiling very faintly, Riku managed to yank the t-shirt back over his head and threw it on top of a laughing Sora before pulling the bed covers up to his chin again.

Sora made a strangled effort to stop laughing and focus on the task at hand, "_Rikuuu_! You know what I don't get? You have a toothbrush here, a towel, a pair of your _shoes _are still under my bed… But you don't have spare clothes here, so I have to give ya mine!"

"Well I'll bring some,"

"Why d'ya have to have a t-shirt to sleep in?" Sora went back to riffling through his wardrobe.

"… Because I just do,"

"You didn't last time!"

"Well that was last time! And _ages_ ago!"

"There's nothing here to fit you!"

"Well keep looking!"

"I am! I can't _find_ anything… Half of this stuff don't even fit _me_ anymore!"

Riku waited, looking around Sora's room, trying on whatever Sora occasionally threw his way and getting the same result; too small or too uncomfortable from being small. Sora's room was so _cosy_, a perfect, safe place to sleep and stay, and he'd obviously spent time on it; it was the complete opposite of Riku's room.

He took in the view of the night sky, the intense darkness pierced by the light of the moon and studded by stars; he knew that it would be reflected in the sea too, and was for some reason struck by a memory of Sora constantly nagging him to teach him how to surf.

Sora finally gave up on wardrobe riffling when he found himself waking up in there.

"Riku…" He mumbled, crawling out sleepily, "Why didn't you tell me I fell asleep in there?"

There was no answer, and when Sora looked up, he saw why. Riku was fast asleep sprawled out on his back, hair splayed all around him against the pillow, breathing gentle and deep, his lips parted very slightly and his head turned to the side, one arm draped over the side of the bed.

If it hadn't been for the frown he wore, Sora would have thought he looked really peaceful.

_Taking up all the damn space._

_Where'm **I **gonna sleep?_

Then, he saw why Riku had wanted to cover up so much; the covers had fallen down to his waist, revealing the bruises marring his skin all over. Eyes widening as he moved closer, Sora noticed there were marks on his neck too. His eyes followed the cuts, scars and bruises down his arms; a t-shirt obviously wouldn't have covered those anyway. Maybe Riku felt that it wouldn't matter- Sora could recall numerous times where he had quizzed Riku on his visible injuries, and he had always said it was from their play fights.

Sora had believed him.

The worst by far had to be the bruise that spread across his stomach; It looked so painful… so wicked. How had that even been done? His ribs looked like they were bruised too.

At that moment, Sora didn't know what to think. He just stood staring for a moment horrified, feeling his insides twist violently. Why would Riku's own father do this? There were tears burning his eyes again. He was scared. He had to do something; he _needed _to help. Looking towards the door, he knew he could just go and get his mother, bring her in here and show her.

_Riku's hurt and I want it to stop. Make his dad stop, make everything okay again like you always do for me, make it better because I'm scared._

But Riku had made him promise. He knew it had taken a lot for him to tell him about it in the first place, and Sora had sworn not to tell another soul, no matter what. Riku had trusted him, and he still did.

So Sora did nothing.

Nevertheless, he still was torn between telling her or not, trying hard not to cry. He stood for a moment, contemplating, then gently pulled the covers properly over his best friend and forlornly petted the silver hair, whispering goodnight.

Finally, he got himself a blanket and went to sleep in the wardrobe.

**XxXxXxX**

The older boy woke to the sun spilling through the window, casting shadows and revealing the t-shirts strewn all over the floor. He jumped at first, realising that he'd fallen asleep, but relaxed when he felt the sheets still covering him, hiding the extent of the situation involving his father.

The sunlight also lit up Sora, who was fast asleep in his wardrobe.

"What the- …?" Riku buried his face in the pillow to smother his laugh. He climbed out of bed and dressed, completely unaware of what Sora had seen, then headed to the bathroom.

It was so different, so nice to wake up and be safe, to be able to step outside and not be pushed downstairs, hit, or berated. He half expected someone to come out of nowhere and start yelling, like he was used to.

Sora was still fast asleep when he returned.

"You cannot be comfortable in there…" He sighed in disbelief, grabbing a pillow and carefully placing it under the smaller boy's head. He knew it wouldn't wake him; Sora slept like a log.

"You should've just kicked me out… it's your bed after all…" he murmured to him, patting the unruly brown spikes before heading over to the window for a while.

It was a particularly bright morning, and he watched as the world began to wake up, people stepping out of their homes and into their daily regimes, the birds circling overhead.

He was relaxed, oddly, though he knew it was misplaced; he knew only too well what would be waiting when he got home and he intended to stay at Sora's for as long as possible.

Eventually waking up, Sora looked around, momentarily disorientated before he blinked at a fully dressed Riku who was knelt on his bed looking out of the big window.

Hearing Sora sniffle, Riku turned and watched the sleepy blue eyes focus on him, "Hey,"

Sora sneezed.

Riku pulled a face, smirking gently, pushing open the window and letting the sea air in, closing his eyes as the breeze whispered through his hair, tilting his face up to the sunlight.

"Your house is calm. It's… nice,"

Sora looked guilty, "I… don't know what we're having for breakfast…" he murmured, at a loss for words.

He was startled by Riku's sudden laughter.

"That all you got on your mind?" The older boy smiled.

Sora stared down at his toes shamefacedly, "I'm kinda hungry,"

**XxXxXxXxX**

After breakfast, Sora called Kairi. Riku lurked in the background, wandering about and idly fiddling around with random items in Sora's living room. If he was honest, he was starting to get bored and moody; waiting around for them to finish talking meant having time to think, and having time to think meant thoughts of going home.

"Riku, Kairi says hello!" Sora beamed, sprawled on the sofa.

"Hi,"

"He says hi!" Sora told her, attempting to make a paper aeroplane, the phone between his ear and shoulder, "… Riku, Kairi says 'is that all you have to say'?" he laughed.

A small, brief and mischievous smirk fluttered across Riku's lips, "Yeah."

Sora pouted childishly when his paper aeroplane didn't fly very far, then whilst listening to Kairi, watched in awe as Riku remade the aeroplane a different way and sent it soaring much further across the room.

"Yeah I remember… Yeah, it'd be great! I- Fine, I'll ask, but I bet he'll say yes,"

At Sora's words, Riku sighed and raised an eyebrow, looking at him expectantly.

Sora flashed him an excited grin, "Kairi says we should go to the play island really early tomorrow, 'cause we haven't been there in a while and it always looks awesome really early in the morning, and… yeah,"

"What, like right before class?" Riku didn't sound all that impressed.

"Thought you didn't like being 'square'?" Sora teased with a cheeky grin, "And not right before class anyway, 'cause my mom'd get mad…"

"No, I don't care about class; what I mean, is Kairi expects us to row all the way over there, then all the way back here, then all the way to the other island to school? Forget it; who's the one that usually does all the rowing?"

Sora smiled and teased again, "Oh, I'm sorry Riku; I thought you were strong… I'll do it, I mean, I guess I _am _stronger than you now…" he smiled even more as he heard Kairi giggling, and couldn't help joining in, expecting Riku to play along too, but stopped instantly when he instead just muttered something and walked out.

Sora immediately felt bad. He was sure that at any other time Riku would have played along, although, when he thought about it, Riku didn't play along with them all that much anymore. They didn't play fight as much either; Sora had guessed that was because they'd grown older and done enough fighting, but now, thinking of how bruised he had been… was it just because he hurt too much?

"Sora? Are you there?" Kairi sounded worried, "Was that the door slamming…? Did Riku get mad?"

"Yeah… I think so… he just walked out…" Sora was staring at said slammed door, not able to help feeling bemused.

"What's wrong? Has something happened? I thought we were playing?"

Sora sighed, "I- Kairi, I kinda need to go after him… But I don't-"

Kairi interrupted, "Don't worry, I call later! I'll see you tomorrow anyway! Just go find Riku… are you sure everything's okay?"

Sora chewed his bottom lip, already springing up from the sofa and making his way outside, "Er, yeah, I… It's all good...! Heh…"

She wasn't at all convinced by his nervous laughter.

Soon, he was saying goodbye to Kairi, telling his mom he was going, and racing in the direction he thought Riku must have gone in, though sand wasn't exactly the easiest of terrains to run in; flurries of it rose up every time his shoes met with it.

"_Riku_?" he called.

_Please don't be going home._

The sudden blur came from nowhere, tackling him, bowling him backwards into the sand. He blinked several times, struggling against the weight pinning him down, and when he opened his eyes, startled, they met with a pair of equally bright bluish green ones.

And a smirk.

"So you think you're stronger than me?"

Sora stared up at him, trying to gauge his mood, but Riku left him alone, standing up and turning away from him.

"Riku…?"

The older boy turned his head slightly.

"We were just playing… you know, like old times?" Sora stood up, brushing sand from his clothes.

Riku nodded.

"So… you're not mad?"

There was a pause, as if the older boy were collecting himself, then he turned and grabbed his best friend in a headlock.

"I just got bored of waiting around for you, that's all!" he let go and ruffled Sora's hair, before starting off, "C'mon, let's go back to yours again,"

"You promise you're okay?"

"Yeah... I'll ring home later,"

Sora followed him happily enough, but in the back of his mind, he wondered how okay he really was.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: ****Fanfiction is taking the p... _paopu_... with what it does to my documents when I upload them.**

**Warnings: None**

Later came too soon.

"Can't you just stay until after dinner?" Sora kicked off his shoes in the hallway and chased after Riku who was already headed into the living room with his phone to his ear.

The older boy shook his head, causing Sora's face to fall.

Sora looked away quickly, hiding the tears in his eyes; he hadn't expected them, but they were there, burning and blurring his view of the photos of himself at various ages on the mantelpiece.

Riku sighed, "There's no answer…" he hadn't been expecting one either.

Sora swallowed hard, fighting not to cry and embarrass himself, "O- Oh… Can you stay?"

Riku shook his head again, "I really can't. I gotta get home now…" he realised that it had always been the same as they'd grown up together; himself leaving and Sora begging him to stay just that little bit longer.

'_Stay and let's draw on the walls!'_

'_**I ****thought ****you ****said ****we ****couldn****'****t ****do ****that**** '****cause ****your ****mommy****'****d ****get ****mad?**'_

'_But if we draw on the walls anyways, will you stay?'_

'_Stay __and __we __can __get __ice __cream!__'_

'_Stay and we can go swimming!'_

'_Stay and help me find my toy boat! You lost it!'_

'_Stay here just until we finish making the swords, I don't wanna mess it up!'_

'_Stay; I don't get the homework!'_

'_Just stay until we finish the plans for the raft, then I'll let ya go!'_

'_I looked for you for all this time… will you stay…?'_

He sighed, watching Sora's back, the smaller boy still turned away from him.

"Sora, don't sulk. You'll see me tomorrow,"

'_I__'__m __not __sulking_,' Sora thought,_ '__I__'__m __just __really __sad__'_

He wandered back into the hallway, following Riku, still not able to look up, scared that he really would just burst into tears and admit that he'd seen all those bruises. He didn't want his best friend to suffer at the hands of someone who should love him.

Before Riku left he turned to face Sora, walking backwards to the front gate, "See ya tomorrow," he smiled.

Sora smiled back, "Yeah,"

**XxXxXxX**

The silver-haired boy followed the shore home, watching his feet, deep in thought, although there wasn't much to think about; he knew exactly what was awaiting him. It was better not to think in some ways, but worse in others. If he didn't think about it he could block it out like he'd done many times before, but doing that meant he wouldn't be ready for the first initial blow, the one that still shocked and horrified him now as much as it did the very first time it had happened all those years ago.

Now, however, Riku's eyes didn't widen and become brightened with fear and tears; they simply switched off like a light, turning dull and empty as he sheltered himself with his arms and made himself small.

The insults, hateful tales and bitter wishes fell on deaf ears too. At the least they didn't crush his heart and slice to ribbons any hope of change like they once had; they had simply become a strange sort of mantra that he could recite in his head word for word, and he no longer had any hope that his father would stop.

He'd seen his own blood enough to not panic when it stained his clothes or when he woke up to find himself lying in small amounts of it, the cause of turning too much in his sleep and opening up barely healed cuts or from wounds that he'd assumed had stopped bleeding.

At one time when he was younger he'd even hurt himself. But someone had stopped that.

Sora.

Sora had blundered right into his hiding place and seen him hurting himself, and it wasn't until he'd stopped glaring at the jewels of blood and looked up that he'd seen the other boy watching him with wide eyes, and had realised that he'd been there the whole time.

'_Don__'__t __do __that!_' Sora had gasped, '_Why __did __you __do __that? __That__'__s __bad!_'

Riku had told him bluntly, '_Because __my __dad __told __me __he __hates __me __and __now __I__'__m __mad __and __I __hate __me __too_,'

Sora had run over and hugged his bloodied arm against his chest as if trying to make it better, before looking up at him and telling him firmly, '_**I **__don__'__t __hate __you, __Riku! __I __like __you __lots __n__' __lots,__ '__cause __you__'__re __cool!_'

It had meant a lot; Riku had never forgotten how much that had meant, but all he'd done at the time was scowl and push the small boy away.

'_Ew! __Now __you __have my blood on you__.__ That's gross__!_'

Sora had simply latched onto his arm again, _'__I__ don't think you should do that again, Riku... Ya know what I do when I get mad__?__'_

Riku had only attempted to shrug him off, but Sora had taken that as a green light to continue.

'_Pull __silly __faces_!' And the small boy with the scruffy brown spikes had done just that, grinning hugely and sticking his fingers in his ears, making his eyes look silly as he focused on his nose.

In response, Riku had done something that surprised him. He had laughed. And then, he had smiled.

And that had been the last time Riku had ever tried to hurt himself. He'd thought about it a lot and even gone as far as searching out things to do it with, but then he'd see the memory of Sora pulling that stupid face and start smiling, even if it was through tears.

Sora had led him out of the dark that day. He always did.

He'd come to his front door. He stood outside for a minute, looking up at the house, a house that had been meant for three but had sadly ended up housing two. At one point, it had held close to three: a man and his wife, a mother to be; her child safe inside her. Then, it had held that same man but with a broken, lost look in his eyes and a crying baby in his arms. Now, it held an angry, unstable man and a bitter teenage boy.

Riku's father had told him that he had no photos of his mother. In a violent row, he'd told Riku that he'd burned them. It didn't stop Riku from imagining what his mother would have been like, and as he stood on the doorstep, he visualised what it would be like if he was about to come home to her instead.

She'd have her hair collected up hastily and messily on top of her head. It would be silver, like his, and slightly wavy. She'd be a little smaller than him, not tower over him like his dad did, and would open the door and fold her arms, fix him with a stern, motherly look so that he'd have to hang his head and play innocent like Sora.

'And where have you been?' she'd say. Her voice would be firm, but quiet, slightly exasperated.

He'd be about to mutter an answer when she'd suddenly sweep him into a hug, cuddling him close like he was still a tiny baby.

'I was so worried about you, Riku!' she'd make a fuss and cajole him inside, stop him from drinking the juice straight from the carton and pour him a glass, and she'd know not to make it the one with pulp in and put only one ice cube in. After that she'd sit with him, listening while he told her everything that was wrong, and then tell him that all those everythings would work themselves out, and it'd all be okay.

Lingering on the doorstep, he realised he was almost crying, and his hands were shaking. His father had once told him that he couldn't miss someone he'd never even met. It wasn't true. He missed his mom every single day. He'd gone as far as to whisper a goodnight to her every night when he'd been little, and now he thought it every night instead. He hoped she could still hear it, if she'd ever heard at all. If she could.

All of the lights were off in the house, but his father was definitely home; he never went anywhere. Brushing the back of his hand across his eyes, Riku let himself in.

**XxXxXxX**

"Mom..? _Mom_? _Mooom!_"

"… What now, honey?"

"I can't find a tie!"

"Well what did you do with them?"

"I don't know!" Sora threw the rest of his school uniform over his chair ready for the morning; he was certain that if he knew the whereabouts of his ties he wouldn't be asking where they were in the first place, "Don't worry, I'll find it some other time… I wanna drink…"

"I hope 'some other time' isn't going to make you late tomorrow!"

"… No…"

Sighing, he trudged down into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of juice, grumbling when he came to the cupboard and was faced with an empty plastic packet, which should have contained straws.

"Moooom wh-"

"Second cupboard along, at the very back!"

Sora looked there, and found a new pack of drinking straws.

"Oh… thanks, mom!"

'_How __did __she __know __I __wanted __straws?__'_

Dropping a blue and white one into his drink, Sora headed back to his room. Every minute or so he thought about Riku. He felt bad for not helping in some way; he really did want to, but he'd promised not to tell anyone, and how could he help if he didn't tell anyone?

He also didn't want to bring the subject up to Riku; they had fun, and it seemed like Riku forgot about it somewhat when they spent time together. The last thing Sora wanted to do was make him feel like he had nowhere to escape to.

He packed his bag for tomorrow, including his present for Kairi, and then curled up on his bed. His head ached; it felt like there was a game of tug o' war going on in there, one team called 'Tell Someone' and the other team called 'Do Nothing'.

'Tell Someone' put up a good struggle, but 'Do Nothing' was stronger.

He'd promised.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Sorry this one took so long, it's been a mad time. Thanks for the reviews, guys! D'you want more Oreos? xD x**

** All will be explained in the next chapter. All. Get that memorized. *Runs***

**Warnings: Language, violence**

He stepped into the dark. There were absolutely no lights on at all. Why, he didn't know. His grip on the front door's handle lingered; as soon as he let go and closed it, he'd be back in the nightmare, as if it were a gateway between dream and reality; dream being the world outside of the house, and reality being the cold darkness that was inside, a real life nightmare.

He let go slowly, pushing it closed, his heart rate already increasing and his hands already trembling as he carefully made his way to the light switch.

He was slammed hard against the wall just before he reached it, so hard that his breath escaped in a pained gasp, and he shut his eyes tight even though it was too dark to see anything but a silhouette looming above him.

His father pinned him there in silence, and Riku kept very still.

_I hate this. Out of all the things you do, this is what makes me feel uncomfortable._

"Dad… get off..." his voice was almost inaudible.

"Why? What d'you think I'm gonna do?"

_I don't know._

"Because I don't like it," his voice was still a murmur, holding a trace of indignation.

"You don't like it? Well we don't always get what we like, do we; d'you think I like you to piss off and not tell me where you are?"

"…"

"Where _were_ you?"

"At a friend's…"

"Bothering people, is what you mean. You think people want your sorry ass around? They've got their own lives to be getting on with,"

Riku attempted to pull away, slamming his hand on the light switch only to be yanked backwards by his hair, and he cried out, clenching his jaw.

"And what did I tell you about this?" the man's hand seized tighter in his son's hair as an indicator, causing a burning sting to creep over his skin.

Riku glared at the floor, not wanting to see that look in his father's eyes- that mix of anger and distaste and something he couldn't work out- and didn't answer.

"You'd have made your mom ill if she were still alive, you know. She was like that; fragile, gentle. You'd never have done anything she asked… You'll never be a good person the way you are. But you went a step ahead from making her ill, didn't you?"

Riku's eyes flashed, and he looked up suddenly, his face a mask of pain and guilt. It came back to this every single time. He hadn't had any control over being born, nor over the fact that his mom chose to let him live, yet he was always to blame, always told that he'd killed his own mother. For as long as he could remember, it had been his fault, no one had told him different, and if he lingered on those thoughts he hated himself, even though he knew deep down that it was impossible for it to have been his doing; he was a newborn at the time of her death. He needed someone else to tell him, needed someone to confirm that it wasn't his fault, that he didn't deserve pain.

He knew that getting angry would make it worse, but fury set his blood alight, and he struggled wildly, clawing and kicking out.

"_D'you think I __**wanted**__ to kill my mom?_" he half screamed, voice hoarse, "_D'you think that's what I wanted? You think I don't wish that she was here everyday, and that we could all be a family together? __**I **__wouldn't be the one to make her ill or kill her if she were still alive; __**you **__would! She'd probably say or do something that you didn't like, and then what? Would you hit her like you do me? I hope she can see you now, and I hope she __**hates **__you, just like I-" _

He broke off in a cry as he was dragged forwards and thrown into the opposite wall, crying out as he was seized upon again and shoved to the floor, his head hitting against the wooden stairs; he was terrified, and he tried to get back up and run, there being only one place he wanted to run to.

"_You shut your mouth_!" his father's hand tightened like a vice around his throat as he slammed him back against the steps, his eyes nothing but an empty madness, "_Shut your mouth!_" he repeated the sentence over and over, not letting go, fingers leaving heavy bruises.

When Riku couldn't struggle any more, he imagined her. He visualised her there right then, her voice soft and loving, telling him that it was okay, that she loved him, just how he used to imagine when he was little.

_Mommy loves you, Riku._

When she held out her arms for an embrace he ran to her, and reality didn't matter any more.

**XxXxXxX**

Sora hadn't known it was possible to wake up so many times in one night's sleep. He sighed, a thin sheen of sweat covering his skin; he hadn't known it was possible to have so many nightmares in one night's sleep either, and the worst part was that he couldn't remember any of them, only that they'd scared him awake.

He laid his keyblade against his chest, letting the chill cool his skin. It had been appearing in his hand every time he jumped awake; he had thought it funny at first, but now it was more irritating.

Part of him wondered if the keyblade was the culprit somehow.

"You," he told it, staring up at the ceiling with drowsy blue eyes, "need to know the difference between _real _danger… and _nightmares_!"

He also contemplated if it was normal to _talk_ to your keyblade, and then decided that it was in fact crazy and something only someone very tired would do.

He ran both hands through his hair and clambered out of bed, dawdling across his room and catching sight of himself in the mirror, stood in his underwear with his eyes half open and his hair a rumpled mess.

He checked the time: 4:00 am. Never a good time. It suddenly seemed creepy that nightmares kept waking him up _and _it was 4:00am, around the time that on a bad day, Riku usually called him.

He gazed out of the window for a while, wishing hard that his best friend was okay as he watched it start to get lighter outside.

He wondered if they'd still be able to get up early enough to go to the play island with Kairi. He hoped so. He wanted to give her the present he'd made, chase Riku, and try -and as usual fail- to get that huge paopu off the tree.

The three of them always went to school together, meeting up at Sora's house first, and Riku would always pick up Kairi on his way over. Surprisingly, it usually ran smoothly. He hoped it would tomorrow, even though he had a strong feeling it wouldn't; their plan to go to the play island hadn't exactly ended on concrete terms.

He was jolted out of his thoughts when he saw something, or rather someone. He recognised them as Riku straight away, and it felt as though his heart momentarily stopped when instead of hurling shells at his window or calling him like usual, Riku just sank to the ground.

Behind him his keyblade, which had been lying on his bed, disappeared. And rather smugly too, Sora thought, the sharp 'ping' it made as it vanished just that little bit sharper than usual; _told you so._

Sora dragged on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and crept downstairs, his insides twisting; he knew something just wasn't right.

He wouldn't ever forget what he saw when he opened the door, nor the pang of pain he felt when Riku looked up as he heard him gasp and their eyes met, the powerful aqua that had become hazy and dull suddenly brightening with recognition and shimmering with fear and tears, before clouding over again.

"Riku!" he threw himself forwards, straight down on his knees and didn't even feel the pain, landing in front of the older boy who was hunched on the ground in blood covered clothes, "Riku!"

Shaking violently, Riku grabbed his hand tightly in response and tried unsuccessfully to speak, his eyes just as fear stricken as Sora's, his body jolting upwards almost like a sob as he tried to breathe, part of his hair stained crimson, tears shining on ashen cheeks.

Wild eyed with fear, Sora clutched back at the bloodied hand and slender fingers now entwined around his own, then cupped the older boy's jaw, trying to get him to look up, seeing a trickle of blood run from the corner of his mouth and the vicious bruising that spread all over his throat, much more vivid than the ones he'd seen before.

He stared in horror, watching Riku choke and fall against him, a steady shade of blue blooming across his lips.

He didn't realise he'd been yelling out for help until he heard his mother's voice and they were suddenly surrounded by islanders.

"_Mom, Mom, help! Mom, Riku! Mom! Help, please!"_

He couldn't stop, not even as an unconscious Riku was taken from him and he was pulled away into his mother's arms.

"_No! Please! Riku!_"

The world became a blur of people: people rushing this way and that, people holding him back, people moving him away, people shouting orders, people surrounding and trying to save his beloved best friend... to him it was all a whirlwind in slow motion.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Welp… Lets just say Sora changed my plans… All is not explained in this chapter, because he butted in xD**

**Thanks for the reviews, guys; I've even made some of you cry and delayed your homework… *mischievous smirk* Xx**

**I am, however, out of Oreos to give you… xD**

**Warnings: None**

_The very first time I thought I lost you was a long time ago. We were **reaally** little. You got mad at something, but I dunno what because I just saw you going crazy and attacking your house with a stick. You were crying, and your dad was calling you, but he didn't come out of the house at all, and I didn't see him either… I've never really seen your dad properly and I've never seen him leave the house… that's kinda weird._

_My mom just carried on walking but don't get mad at her, 'cause I think that if she knew what was going on she'd really care, and she'd look after you too. She was holding my hand so I had to go…_

_It wasn't until the afternoon that anything happened. There were people looking for you everywhere, and they kept calling our house. I got kinda mad 'cause no one would tell me where you were, and then my mom told me that no one could find you._

_I wanted to look for you, Riku. I hope you don't think back on that and think that I didn't care. I cried right up until you were found 'cause my mom wouldn't let me look for you and I thought I'd never see you again, then I cried **after** you were found too, because I wanted to hug you and you didn't want one._

_I don't know why, but I thought you really hated me. I thought you didn't want to hug me because you were mad at me, and that's what I told my mom. She said that sometimes people don't want to be hugged when they're sad, and I didn't understand, but I do now._

_I don't want my mom to hug me right now because I know I'll cry. I feel like I'll cry so hard I'll break._

**X**

The young brunette teen sat in the hospital waiting room ducked away from his mother's touch and remained staring at a spot on the floor, staring so hard that it was a wonder he didn't burn a hole right through it.

"Sora…" his mother whispered, softly, "We'll have to go home soon… I think maybe we should right now, and then you can get cleaned up…"

Sora fiercely struggled not to look down at himself and see the blood that wasn't his own staining his t-shirt.

"And, when you're ready," his mom continued, "I think we should have a little chat…"

Sora's face turned a shade paler.

**X**

_If I'd have told my mom sooner, you wouldn't be in here right now. Maybe we'd be at school; I've got no idea what time it is._

_I didn't want you to be mad at me for telling her; I was scared you'd never talk to me again or something, and that was selfish of me._

_I just wanted you to feel like you had someone you could tell everything to, and trust. I wanted you to know I was there for you._

_And now, when it might be too late anyway, I can't even speak. I don't know where my voice has gone._

**X**

Sora continued to stare at the floor. Not once had he cried. He kept telling himself that he had to be strong, that he had to be there for Riku, like Riku was always there for him when he was sad.

**X**

_Your blood… it's all over me. It's stained my hands, my arms, my clothes… I think that even after I wash it off, I'll still see it. The image of you on the ground scared and bleeding keeps playing over and over again like someone's switched my memories on a loop. I don't want that to be my last memory of you._

_I actually want to go to school. I want this to just be a bad dream, and in a second I'll wake up and you'll be throwing stuff at my window._

_No one's come out to tell us any news so I don't even know if you're okay._

_For all I know, you might've died in my arms._

_But…_

_I can't react, and I don't know why. I should **feel** something, but I'm just staring like my gaze is glued to the floor. It feels like someone else has taken all my feelings and is using them to cry about **their** best friend instead, someplace else, and I'm just half a person sat here._

_**X**_

Ignoring the hospital staff flitting around, Sora's mother knelt in front of him and held his face in her hands gently, like she used to do when he was still small enough to fit in a pushchair and she wanted him to focus.

_Sora, look at mommy!_

Back then she'd had enough trouble trying to get him to focus on one _stationary_ thing at a time, let alone herself, because he was so busy trying to look at everything at once; all the things that she found dull and boring and had seen a thousand times had been new and exciting to him. His eyes would scan over birds, rustling leaves in the trees, other people, insects… For her an insect had been just another nuisance to duck away from, but for him it had been a new excuse for him to make that sharp, excited cooing sound that babies do, his eyes growing wide as they filled with awe, his chubby legs kicking wildly in his pushchair.

Even now- if a particularly magnificent shell were to wash ashore or a warm sunset kicked in, or if he discovered a piece of clear colourful glass with its sharp edges smoothed and rounded by the tide -his eyes still filled with the same wonder. Unknowingly, he'd taught his mother to stop for a minute and marvel at the world.

Right now, however, he just didn't want to look at anything. His eyes were dull.

"Sora?"

Still, he remained staring at the floor, right through her.

"Sora," she said again, firmly, "I need to get you home… okay? You need to get over the shock… and get some clean clothes… Come on… Even the nurses agree it's what's best… "

Sora just stood up mechanically, surprising his mother momentarily, because he just wasn't the little boy she remembered anymore.

_**X**_

_I left my neck chain. You know the one I wear all of the time? I gave it to one of the nurses, told them your full name and made sure they're going to give it to you. Well, my mom's the one that did the talking… She knew that's what I wanted… All I managed to say was your name, and then I just… stared with the chain in my hands… It's like I'm somewhere else, like I've run away from my body so I don't have to face feeling anything._

_Anyway, I want you to have the chain either way: If… if you're not okay, I still want it to be with you, because then it's kind of like I still am. And if you **are** going to be okay, you'll see it when you wake up and know that I was there. I know you hate feeling all alone. No one likes to be all alone, but I know that you especially don't._

_You told me so yourself._

_It was when we were little and we had a fight over something that I can't remember but I know were silly… and you made me cry. Then you gave me a leaf as a present and that made everything okay again; life was pretty simple then, huh?_

_After, we went to climb the paopu tree, and you asked me what my worst thing in the world was. I told you I didn't have a worst thing in the world, and you told me yours was being all alone._

_I have a worst thing in the world now. It's losing my best friend._

_**X**_

Sora and his mother arrived home and found themselves amidst a large commotion. There were people everywhere; quite a few of them looked important.

Sora noted that the blood on the floor had been cleaned.

And something happened.

The fear of losing one of his best friends and all the good times they'd shared coming to an end triggered a memory.

_**A man with hair as wild and untameable as fire, jade green eyes tilted like a cat's, small tattoos resting on his cheeks and a wry smirk that always seemed to be there tugging at the corner of his mouth, even when he wasn't necessarily meaning for it to be.**_

'_**As long as we remember each other, we'll never be apart. Got it memorized?'**_

It happened sometimes. Those memories that were not quite his own; It was as if when he came into a situation similar to one that his Nobody had been in, it triggered some of _his_ memories. He wondered if it had ever been the other way around.

It was true; as long as he, Riku, and Kairi remembered each other, they wouldn't ever be apart… but what if one of them were about to leave the world and they didn't get a choice about whether they remembered or whether they forgot? What then?

Sora's mother ushered him inside whilst she demanded to know what so many people were doing in their front garden, and he headed straight to the bathroom, discarding his clothes and stepping into the shower, shuddering momentarily when the water first hit his body.

He looked up, away, anywhere that wasn't the shower floor so that he didn't have to see the blood rinsing away, his gaze finally falling on the mirror; the image of himself slowly fading with the steam of the shower.

He flattened his hair, running both hands through it and stared at himself, absently studying the gentle but well-defined muscles in his arms and chest:

_When did I grow up?_

Fine, maybe he wasn't _quite_ grown up, but he certainly felt like he was. He missed being a kid, that age when things like darkness and pain and sadness were still a little tricky to grasp, when the most serious thing of the day was if Riku remembered to bring the beach ball, or if his room was messy.

He could have cried right then, in the shower. No one would have known, perhaps not even himself, but somehow just blocking everything out was easier than crying. He sat down under the water spray, closing his eyes.


End file.
